The tone police: How God wants us to talk and act

This is adapted from a video that you can watch here.

When Christians discuss politics, culture or various theological issues on social media, it can get pretty nasty. Name calling and ad hominem attacks are common. You see a lot of mockery and sarcasm, the creative use of derisive memes, and just a general snark, obnoxiousness, childishness, and meanness.

The tone of this discourse can be a difficult topic. It’s not easy to define. It’s the kind of thing where you know it when you see it, and it’s case-by-case. There’s a high chance of misinterpretation.

One of the defenses used by those who are accused of having a bad tone is that it’s subjective. “It’s not mean, it’s bold and uncompromising!” “Some people are too easily offended!” In their minds, they see nothing wrong with how they’re speaking. They call those who call them out “the tone police.”

(I notice that many who use that phrase don’t hesitate to be the police about everything else.)

They also appeal to Biblical examples of strong language. Jesus called the Pharisees serpents and vipers, and overturned tables in the temple. In Acts 13:9, Paul confronted a sorcerer and false prophet by saying to his face, “O full of all deceit and all fraud, you son of the devil, you enemy of all righteousness, will you not cease perverting the straight ways of the Lord?” They’ll point to Elijah’s mockery of false prophets in 1 Kings 18.

That means God is OK with talk like that, right? Here are some thoughts on that.

How Christ is our example

When Jesus said those things, or when the apostles and prophets talked like that under the supernatural utterance of the Holy Spirit, they did it with perfect wisdom, perfect knowledge, perfect authority, and perfect love. Do we do it with that? Are we qualified to talk like that? Are we speaking the word of God? I think that’s the only thing that would give us license to talk like that.

Those incidents in Scripture are DE-scriptive, not PRE-scriptive. The Lord’s direct instructions to the church trump the examples we read.

In his first letter, Peter taught us explicitly how Christ is our example. Look at 1 Peter 2:

21 For to this you were called, because Christ also suffered for us, leaving us an example, that you should follow His steps: 22 “Who committed no sin, Nor was deceit found in His mouth”; 23 who, when He was reviled, did not revile in return; when He suffered, He did not threaten, but committed Himself to Him who judges righteously.

THAT’s how we’re be like Jesus: not reviling in return.

Of course, we also have His teaching to “Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, 28 bless those who curse you, and pray for those who spitefully use you” (Luke 6:27-28). How should we speak to those we love? The Greek word translated “bless” is eulogeo, which means to speak well of. It’s where the word eulogy comes from.

But reviling in return is a hallmark of tribalism — the cultural war of us vs. them. We need to win, at all costs! Loving our enemies and turning the other cheek doesn’t work anymore, they say. Don’t you know what time it is?

The fruit of tribalism

Conservatives who wage this war may argue along these lines: We’re trying to fight abortion, sex trafficking, and our kids being taught sexual immorality, and you’re worried about mean tweets? Policy is more important, they say; we have to defeat the left, and we have to support those who are fighting for us, even if they’re doing it like that.

But we can talk about those legitimate issues and still do it with honor and integrity, and in a way that doesn’t bring unwarranted reproach on the church and, more importantly, on God.

One way we can do that is also calling out the evils in our tribe. In fact, we should be even more concerned about our own sins. We should make clear that all our sin is wickedness before God, and that we all deserve the same lake of fire.

Related: Christians, don’t call only some people evil

Tribalism is a breeding ground for partiality and hypocrisy, and those are sins against God. It undermines the gospel, and it’s bad theology. The great division in the world isn’t left vs. right; it’s all humanity vs. God.

Another point to be made here is that for some of them, it’s not just about policy. They want the hostility; they want the contempt. Some Christians are turned off by that tone, but others like it. At the very least, tone is just not a big deal to them.

Tone in the Bible

But God cares about our tone. He cares about the manner in which we represent Him — not just what we say, but the way we say it.

The word of God has a lot to say about our demeanor. Let’s look at a few Greek words in the New Testament:

The first is prautes. This word is most often translated “gentleness.” According to various commentaries, it denotes a gentle friendliness, a mild disposition, a humble attitude that can bear reproaches and offenses without resentment or malice.

Prautes was used in secular Greek writings to describe a soothing wind, or a healing medicine. It described a horse that someone had trained to submit to a bridle. Those things give you the idea of power under control. Aristotle defined it as the balance between being too angry and never being angry at all.

This is what gentleness is in the Bible. It doesn’t mean compromising what we believe, or never being bold or firm.

The word also appears in 2 Timothy 2:

24 And the Lord’s bond-servant must not be quarrelsome, but be kind to all, able to teach, patient when wronged, 25 with gentleness correcting those who are in opposition, if perhaps God may grant them repentance leading to the knowledge of the truth, 26 and they may come to their senses and escape from the snare of the devil, having been held captive by him to do his will.

That passage is specifically about how we deal with those who oppose us, wrong us, or offend us. People who need to repent and know the truth. Notice that verse 26 says they’re being held captive by the devil; that describes all of us in our sin, and shows us that it’s the devil who’s our enemy.

Our desire should be to see our enemies set free from his snare; therefore, we’re not to treat them as enemies. They are fellow image-bearers of God. We are no better than them; the only difference between us and them is the grace of God. We’re to hope and pray that He grants them repentance just like He has us.

In that spirit, we’re not to be quarrelsome. We don’t go looking for fights. We don’t enjoy arguing.

But we’re to be kind; that’s the Greek word epios. It means one who is peaceful, and it characterized a nurse or a parent being calm under stress when dealing with difficult children. It was also used to describe medicines as soothing.

Verse 25 does say we need to correct our opponents; we need to confront them with the truth. But we do it with gentleness (prautes).

Another passage that uses the word prautes is in 1 Peter 3:

15 But sanctify Christ as Lord in your hearts, always being ready to make a defense to everyone who asks you to give an account for the hope that is in you, yet with gentleness and reverence; 16 and keep a good conscience so that in the thing in which you are slandered, those who revile your good behavior in Christ will be put to shame.

You see that that’s also about dealing with our enemies. They slander and revile us, but we put them to shame not by slander and reviling in return, but by keeping a good conscience and behaving with goodness.

This is the well-known apologetics verse — be ready to make a defense. That doesn’t mean defending ourselves, but we defend the faith, the hope that is in us. We do that with gentleness (prautes).

We’re the gentle ones

The next Greek word is another one that’s translated gentleness: epieikes. That’s the word that’s used in Philippians 4:

5 Let your gentleness be known to all men. The Lord is at hand.

Epieikes has a similar definition as prautes: fair, mild, patient. One commentator called it “sweet reasonableness.”

That verse says our gentleness should be known to all men. That’s what the world should know about us — those Christians, they’re the gentle ones. Not the angry and obnoxious ones.

That verse also puts it in the context of “The Lord is at hand.” He is close; He is near. He’s coming back, making it all the more urgent to be gentle. We want to win souls to Christ, not condemn them. Also, how would we behave if Jesus were standing right there, looking over our shoulder as we type those comments?

Another verse that uses epieikes is in Titus 3:

1 Remind them to be subject to rulers and authorities, to obey, to be ready for every good work, 2 to speak evil of no one, to be peaceable, gentle, showing all humility to all men.

Again, this is about how we engage the world — in this case, rulers and authorities. Don’t speak evil of them; be peaceable. Don’t be eager to fight. Be humble and gentle (epieikes).

That is the word of the Lord for how we’re to talk politics. It doesn’t mean never calling out leaders when they’re committing abominations, but it basically means, don’t be like them. Be holy. Don’t storm the Capitol. Don’t threaten to hang anyone. Honor the office, and obey the laws (except when the laws tell us to disobey God).

Pleasant to be around

One more Greek word: chrēstotēs. It means kindness, goodness, and excellence. One definition said it includes the attributes of affection, sympathy, friendliness, patience, and pleasantness in the way we speak and act. It originally meant being fit to use, suitable, or proper — basically, easy to work with. The meaning expanded to describe moral goodness — being kind and honorable to everyone. Someone who’s pleasant to be around and thinks of others first.

It’s a form of the word chrestos, and that’s the word Jesus used when He said “My yoke is easy.” So when we show chrēstotēs (kindness), we’re being like Jesus. He also said He’s “gentle and lowly at heart”; the word gentle is praus, related to prautes. That’s how He is, so if we’re in Him and He’s in us, that’s how we’ll be, too.

A couple of verses that include chrēstotēs are verses that describe the Lord in us:

Colossians 3:12 — So, as those who have been chosen of God, holy and beloved, put on a heart of compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience.

There you see the word of the Lord for how we are to conduct ourselves. It includes the words chrēstotēs (kindness) and prautes (gentleness). That verse ties those characteristics to our identity as God’s holy and beloved elect. It’s the state of our heart. Our demeanor is a core essential of our faith.

You may be able to guess another Scripture that has both of those Greek words:

But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness (chrēstotēs), goodness, faithfulness, gentleness (prautes), self-control; against such things there is no law. (Galatians 5:22-23)

If you are born again and the Spirit of God dwells in you, He will bear that fruit. It’s the mark of a true Christian.

Notice that “the fruit” in that list is singular, not plural. We don’t pick and choose. No one can say, “My fruit is faithfulness, not gentleness.” If you have the Holy Spirit, your fruit will be all of it.

Now, we all struggle with all those things; I’m not saying that the people who fail to be kind and gentle aren’t saved. But the word of the Lord is that this is not optional. These are commands.

Loving our enemies is a command, not a tactic. How do you talk to and about people you love? How do you treat them? If there was only a chapter in the Bible about what love looks like! If you’re still fuzzy on how to apply all this, go read 1 Corinthians 13, and apply it to your enemies.

We represent God

Our character and demeanor are part of our witness. They testify to the character of God; they reflect Him. God cares about how we represent Him.

Jesus said, “Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works and glorify your Father in heaven” (Matthew 5:16). Our light reflects His light. Conversely, Paul called out the hypocrisy of those who “boast in God” but don’t reflect Him when he said, “the name of God is blasphemed among the Gentiles because of you” (Romans 2:24). So, our goodness can be the difference between people glorifying God or blaspheming Him.

I know it won’t always be on us. We could be doing everything right and still be hated. The gospel itself is offensive. Jesus said the world will hate us for His name’s sake; they hate us because they hate Him. Obviously, Jesus did everything right — He was the embodiment of absolute goodness, perfectly representing the Father — and they crucified Him.

But God has given us the high responsibility of representing Him faithfully. Because we bear His holy name, what we do reflects on Him.

So if we’re going to be hated, if we’re going to be persecuted, it better be because of Him, and not because we’re jerks.